Commander's Log
by Gerald Tarrant and Quicksilver
Summary: Noin's experiences in the academy, pre-Gundam Wing. Her early interactions with Zechs, and her other motivations are explored. With a very military feel to it, and a touch of romance.
1. Mission 1

Sainan no Kekka: Commander's Log 1

_Gundam Wing is property of Sotsu Agency, Bandai Studios, and TV Asahi. Sainan no Kekka and all original characters and plot copyright 2000 by Quicksilver and Gerald Tarrant. Please ask permission before reposting._

  
**SHIN KIDOU SENKI GUNDAM WING**

SAINAN NO KEKKA

MEMORANDUM FOR RECORD  
LAKE VICTORIA MILITARY ACADEMY  
SUBJECT: Wing Commander Private Log, AC 188-189 Semester, Cadet Colonel Lucrezia Noin  
PAGE 1 

The blue of the afternoon sky was fading rapidly to evening purple and gold when the last phone call was made, the final report signed, the last talking paper filed away. There were still plans to be made for this week's wing stand up and the formal retreat plans had to be crossed off the suspense board, but she was tired and she needed a nap.

Besides, there was another engineering test tomorrow.

Change of command had been last week, when she had been passed the reins of office, and she was already up to her neck in paperwork. The former wing commander hadn't even bothered to clean up his desk, and she was left with the pigsty that it was. Some commander he had been. She would be surprised if he ever made it to the mid levels of OZ command after graduation.

A creak as the door opened, but she didn't even look up.

"Noin? You're still here?"

Zechs Merquise, his face sweaty beneath the mask, poked his head in through the door. "Am I interrupting you?"

"What are you doing here?" she said quietly. The pen she was trying to sign with had suddenly run out of ink. Just her luck.

"We were playing basketball…what are you doing here?"

"Paperwork," she said. "With the IG inspection next week, there's more than usual."

He started. "Oh. Great. I forgot about that. Anything I have to do?"

She shrugged. "Not unless I gave orders to the Operations Group Commander to give to your squadron commander to give to you, and I don't remember that I gave anything like that. The Ops Group commander should be able to take care of things by himself."

"Oh." She saw him relax. "That's all right, then."

Youthful muscles were coated with a light sheen of sweat under his jersey and she wrinkled her nose. "I can smell you from here. Go take a shower or something."

"I will." He stepped into the room, bending over one of the computers in the corner. "I just want to check my mail."

She didn't respond, digging in a drawer for another pen, not finding one that worked. She was commander of nearly four hundred cadets at the most prestigious military academy in the world, and she didn't have a working pen.

Somehow that struck her as incredibly funny.

"Noin? Are you all right?"

She stopped laughing. "I'm fine. Just tired."

His blond hair sparkled in the equally golden light of the setting sun. "OK." Straightening. "I'm going now. Is there anything you want me to do?"

"No." She felt his eyes on her. "Actually…" Rummaging around in her drawers, she pulled out a stack of papers. "Can you give this to Cadet Carter? I forgot to tell him about these. They need to be in to me before close of business on Friday."

"I bet he'll be happy," he murmured, taking them. His eyes never left hers. "But I'll tell him."

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it," he said with a brief bow. For a moment, she wondered if he had been raised royalty. But...no. His family was common folk, from the hills of France. He had told her himself. And it was in his record in the database. She had checked.

She considered asking him, just on a passing whim, then decided against it. The discussion would probably turn to a topic such as why in the world she had been researching his records on a private database, and that would lead to no good.

"Oh, and by the way, we received some new mobile suit shipments today," he said. "Some new Leos and the latest model of the Aries. I thought you'd like to know."

She almost smiled then, at the boy with the eager voice and the masked face, who sounded so joyful at the news. In a way it was almost sad.

"You've never been in a real engagement," she said. "Have you?"

The eyes watched her closely. "Well…no. A couple, but minor ones. Nothing like _yours_." He emphasized the word, knowing that _yours_ referred to the incident on L3 X18999. She hadn't known it had been captured on holo until her return to the Academy a few days later, when cadets with awe-filled voices had pounced on her, demanding that she show them this move and that spin, exclaiming how "cool" the explosions had looked on vid.

She'd snuck into the vidroom that night and destroyed the tape.

Mequise's voice had none of the awe in it, just longing. She wanted to tell him that it was all false glory, that it was better for him to stay out of the arena instead of having his hands wet with blood. Because that was the only new experience he could hope to gain from that; if the rumors were correct, he'd already been under Treize Khushrenada's wing for most of his life.

"It's all right," she said. "Nothing. Never mind. Was that what you'd come to tell me?"

He shrugged. "Something like that. I thought the cadet commander would like to know first. They came in during our game, and I know you've been wanting to develop some exercises, but we didn't have near enough mobile suits."

"Well then. Thank you."

"You're most welcome, ma'am," he said, turning to leave. "Maybe you can place some of those second-year-cadets in MS training officer positions. They'd like that."

That was what she had wanted to talk to him about. "Merquise?"

"Yes?"

"Speaking of positions…how would you like to be physical training officer?"

She watched his silent back as he stood, considering. "I was going to make you assistant Director of Evaluations, but you'd make a much better PT officer. It's more in your league, and you wouldn't be assistant to anyone. In fact, you'd have your own assistant."

"That's fine," he said. His voice was carefully neutral.

"If you don't like it-"

"I said that's fine," he repeated. "I don't mind."

Apparently that wasn't what he wanted. She had a pretty good idea in mind of what he wanted, and that was a position consisting of the words "wing," "staff," and "officer," but the top-level wing staff positions she had already filled. She had vowed not to place any of the cadets she knew too well in wing staff, the cadet commander's "inner circle," if she wasn't sure they would do a better job than someone else she did not know so well. The former cadet commander had played favorites, and she was determined not to repeat his mistakes.

Not that she and Merquise were friends, but she thought she knew him fairly well. And part of that was realizing that he was itching for a command position…but she just couldn't give him one. Not yet. Not when she had narrowly beaten him out for wing commander during the interviews because of her strong platform of non-favoritism and giving all cadets a fair chance.

"Merquise, I-"

"You are the commander," he said, turning to face her. The sweat had dried on his face, leaving smudges of dirt across his chin and cheeks, making him look younger than his thirteen years. "You make the decisions."

She said nothing, and he turned, began walking towards the door. She could feel the tension in the room. The sun had almost set and cool evening air was blowing through the window.

And she still had an engineering test.

"Merquise?"

He didn't even deign to answer this time, just stopped and waited.

"Could you…you're in my engineering class. Could I stop by your room later tonight and ask you about a few problems on the review sheet?"

A flock of birds flew past the window and the breeze picked up, ruffling his long hair.

"Of course," he said. "I'd be glad to help."

She could almost hear the smile in his voice, and when he finally disappeared out the door, she allowed herself a slight slumping of the shoulders, a slight relaxing of the tension.

Maybe things would be all right after all. 

[Back to Act 2, Part 2.8][1] | [Back to Sainan no Kekka][2]

   [1]: act2-2.html#2.8
   [2]: /gundam/sainan/



	2. Mission 2

Sainan no Kekka: Commander's Log 2

_Gundam Wing is property of Sotsu Agency, Bandai Studios, and TV Asahi. Sainan no Kekka and all original characters and plot copyright 2000 by Quicksilver and Gerald Tarrant. Please ask permission before reposting._

  
**SHIN KIDOU SENKI GUNDAM WING**

SAINAN NO KEKKA

MEMORANDUM FOR RECORD  
LAKE VICTORIA MILITARY ACADEMY  
SUBJECT: Wing Commander Private Log, AC 188-189 Semester, Cadet Colonel Lucrezia Noin  
PAGE 2 

The muffled beeping of something brought her out of her semi-groggy sleep deprived state, and she forced tired eyelids open, blinking at the alarm before the numbers on the blue screen actually set in to her brain.

_THURSDAY 0545_

"Shit," she swore, jumping out of bed and almost falling onto the tiled floor. "Shit, shit, shit!"

Wash face. Brush teeth in hurried strokes. Run brush through tangled hair. Shrug into sports bra. Throw on PT uniform that hadn't been washed in three weeks. She had good intentions, she had just never carried them out. There was always something better to do, and the laundry room was just so far away.

Jamming her feet into worn tennis shoes, she grabbed her keys and identification card and sprinted out of the room, hearing the lock click shut behind her.

The hallway was eerily quiet, as always, but she knew the other cadets had already left. There was usually some inkling that there were people dressing in the rooms behind the closed and locked doors, but today there was nothing. She should have been out on the workout fields fifteen minutes ago.

Not a good start to an already bad day. Especially for the cadet wing commander.

It was drizzling, she noticed as she pushed open the dormitory back door and sprinted across the grass in the near dark which was lit only at odd intervals by spotlights set at the tops of nearby buildings. She took the shortcut across the grounds, almost running into the chain-link fence that separated the boys' dormitories from the girls'.

"Shit," she swore again, tripping over a tree root.

"You should watch your language," a voice chastised from behind her. "You could get demerits for that."

She spun, the color rising in her cheeks at the realization that someone else had spotted her late for morning workout, but the retort died on her lips when she spotted the figure that came trotting leisurely around the bend, dressed in the PT uniform of a senior cadet, long hair bound up to the nape of his neck. She could have sworn he was laughing at her under that silver mask, but his lips were not smiling.

"Shut up," she mumbled, picking herself up from the ground, and this time he did laugh.

"I see we're both late together, Noin. An interesting development; the cadet commander late to PT."

"Easy for you to say," she shot back, wondering if she should simply make a dash for the workout fields or actually keep pace with him. "I've never been late to PT before."

"Neither have I," he said. "And I'm physical training officer." His voice took on a sympathetic tone. "Studying?"

"Yeah. Physics."

"Ah," he said. "That test today, huh?"

She nodded, deciding to humor him and pace his footsteps as they rounded the corner of the walk next to the cafeteria. In the silence of the almost-dawn she could hear the voices from the workout fields as the cadets began warm-up exercises.

"I wonder who's leading workout today," she murmured. "Since the PT officer was late as well." Casting a glance at the topic of discussion, who smiled calmly.

"I was studying too," he returned, but he didn't sound defensive. Merely stating a fact. "I hope Karmer remembers those exercises I taught him. That boy means well, but he doesn't seem to be able to retain anything I tell him for more than five seconds."

"Merquise!"

"It's true," he said amiably. "Should we hurry up a bit?"

He speeded up his pace, and she followed, slightly annoyed that he would do so on his own. There was no reason for her to feel threatened; after all, he was free to do as he pleased, and this was not a drill. But still…

"What do you think of Cadet 1st Lieutenant Marks?"

"What about him?" Merquise said. "He's a good cadet. He's…what? Fourth year?"

"Third," she corrected him. "I've been thinking of switching him into personnel management. He's wasted in public affairs, I think."

"Speaking of public affairs, your Support Group Commander broke his leg yesterday playing racquetball."

She sighed. "Stupid."

"It was my fault," he said, sounding almost joyful. "I slammed him into the wall."

She didn't think it was worth her energy to respond. The idiot made it seem like it was a championship that he had won. "Thanks to you, my wing staff is going to be out of commission by the end of the semester."

"Then maybe I can make it in there, right?"

He sounded almost hopeful.

"Don't be ridiculous, Merquise."

"I'm stating a possibility," he said. "I'm wasted as PT officer. You and I both know that."

The wet grass squeaked beneath their shoes as they turned onto the winding walk towards the fields on the outskirts of the Academy. "That's a presumptuous statement to make. You're a perfectly good PT officer."

"Joyner would make an equally good one. He's more into physical activity than I am. Or Seis. Didn't she win the Ironman competition last year?"

"You didn't tell me you wanted to be in wing staff."

"You never asked. I've always wanted to be in wing staff. Any wing staff position would be nice. Director of Evaluations would be a good one. Your present one - forgive my language - sucks."

She felt her ire rising. "Merquise, I'd appreciate it if you didn't make derogatory comments about my wing staff officers. They're just as competent as you are, maybe more so."

"If you say so," he said.

Rolling her eyes, she glanced up at him. "Wing staff isn't a joke, Merquise. It's more paperwork than most of the other lower-level jobs combined, and I know you had a full schedule this semester."

"Vice commander isn't."

"Vice commander doesn't do anything. Everyone knows that."

"But you listen to Pellik. There's a reason he's your second in command." Blue eyes through the eyeholes of the helmet gazed at her. "Are you in love with him?"

"Merquise!" She stopped walking, hands on hips, glaring at him. "Just because I made a male cadet my vice commander does not mean I am having any kind of relationship with him outside a professional one!"

"I just-"

"Let's drop it," she hissed, starting to walk again. Faster. "Just drop it."

"Yes ma'am."

"I don't need anyone to do my job for me. I can manage perfectly well on my own. And you will remain PT officer until further notice. Is that clear?"

"Yes ma'am," he said again, sounding subdued.

The drizzle had stopped and a fine mist had gathered, dampening her hair and uniform. Emerging onto the fields, she was surprised to find that the grass here was almost dry. She slowed her pace, not wanting it to appear that she had been rushing to workout, unconsciously drinking in the sight of the rows of cadets lined up neatly on the dark grounds.

Her cadet wing.

The voice of the assistant physical training officer echoed across the grass and she heard Merquise move almost soundlessly until he was even with her. Watching.

"The next exercise of the day will be the side-" The voice cut off and she felt three hundred pairs of eyes on her. For a moment she was glad that he was with her. Just for a moment.

"Continue with the exercises, Cadet Merquise," she said, hardly glancing at him as he took his place at the front of the wing and his second-in-command stepped back.

She could still see his eyes watching her, even through the mask, and she pretended not to notice. Merquise was an arrogant bastard, but the problem was that he was always right. And had proof to back up his arrogance. She wished he wasn't so accurate, because then that would mean he would make a better wing commander than she would. And she wouldn't have that.

_You watch yourself, Merquise. Or you might have some less-than-pleasant assignments coming your way._

[Back to Act 2, Part 2.8][1] | [Back to Sainan no Kekka][2]

   [1]: act2-2.html#2.8
   [2]: /gundam/sainan/



	3. Mission 3

_Gundam Wing is property of Sotsu Agency, Bandai Studios, and TV Asahi. Sainan no Kekka and all original characters and plot copyright 2000 by Quicksilver and Gerald Tarrant. Please ask permission before reposting._

  
**SHIN KIDOU SENKI GUNDAM WING**

SAINAN NO KEKKA

MEMORANDUM FOR RECORD  
LAKE VICTORIA MILITARY ACADEMY  
SUBJECT: Wing Commander Private Log, AC 188-189 Semester, Cadet Colonel Lucrezia Noin  
PAGE 3 

"Battle formation Alpha!"

Noin pulled back on the lever of the Aries, letting the gears adjust, then backed into formation, making sure she had enough room on either side to swing her gun in the clear, if she had to.

Zechs' mobile suit was visible over the top of the fence, from the other side of the mobile suit yard where Group B was practicing maneuvers. She had purposely assigned him as commander of B, just so she wouldn't have to listen to his voice on the comm.

She had been avoiding him. It was never a conscious decision on her part to slip into doorways when she saw him coming, or to turn her head away when she saw him looking at her, or forwarding his emails to someone else to answer when he did have a question. There was something inside her that just could not bear to talk to him. She was not angry at him. It was…she didn't know what it was. It made her angry.

She was commander, and she was always in control. Zechs, no matter how hard he tried to disguise it, was an independent cadet. He always had been, and it didn't feel right for him to always be on her back about how she was running the wing.

They might still be children, but she had enough of the self-control of an adult to know when she was being deliberately led along. And she would not be. Not by Zechs.

The alarm on the top of the fence blared for sparring maneuvers to begin, and she held her breath as the remote-controlled gate on the far side opened to let Group B into the yard. This was partner sparring, and she already knew who her partner would be.

Zechs' mobile suit was identifiable by the uneven patch of red near one shoulder, and she watched as he glided to a stop smoothly in front of her. The comm clicked on.

"Shall we begin, ma'am?" he said.

She didn't bother to reply, simply switched on her simulation controls and lowered the lens in front of her eyes, then leapt to one side as she saw the simulated laser blast headed her way.

"Dammit!" she hissed into the comm, and she heard him laugh.

"Situational awareness, commander."

"Damn," she swore again, under her breath, and launched a series of shots his way, but he agilely dodged them. The floor of the arena was unpaved, and the dust kicked up by the moving feet of the mobile suits slowly drifted in front of her vision. She reached over and keyed the infrared sensor just as a beep signaled that she had been hit in the shoulder. She checked the readout. Five percent damage. It wasn't bad.

"You won't get away with this, Merquise!" she spat, launching another wave, which he again dodged. He was so good. It wasn't fair.

"Sorry, commander."

"You-!" she began, lunging forward, at the same time realizing that somehow she had overbalanced, and was unable to stop her fall.

"Noin!"

She saw the ground coming up at her and wrenched the simulation glasses away from her face, rendering everything back into full color. The sand was pale yellow-silver, the color of his hair. There was no time to think. She jammed the emergency thruster control and the machine gave a whine, responded, just as something clamped onto her, pushing her back.

Zechs.

The Aries shuddered as it regained its upright position, and she could see all the other mobile suits in the yard stopped, watching. Great. This would go down well on her record.

A face flashed on the screen. Silver helmet. Blond hair. "Noin, are you all right?"

"Yes," she said curtly, pushing her hair back on her face. Keying the multi-channel frequency, she spoke into the comm. "Exercises are over. Return your suits to the flightline. Remember to do powerdown before you shut down systems."

Zechs met her on the flightline coming down from the egress hatch. She didn't speak a word as she jumped down beside him, folding the ladder and pushing it away.

"You all right?" he said.

"I'm fine, Merquise," she said. "What do you want?"

He was silent for a minute. "Why are you avoiding me, Noin?"

She blinked at him. "Me?"

"Don't look so innocent, commander." His tone was stinging. "You've been avoiding me and I want to know why."

"I don't-"

She tried to brush past him, but strong hands caught her shoulders.

"I'm sorry…if I've done something wrong."

That stopped her in her tracks. Zechs…apologizing? Zechs never apologized. To anyone.

"It's…all right," she said cautiously, unsure of what to say. What could she say now? She wasn't even sure why she was avoiding him, herself, much less give him a reason.

"Listen," he said quietly. "I…I'll stop messing in your business. You're the commander. I thought I was helping…but obviously I wasn't. If I'm doing something to make you uncomfortable, just tell me."

"I do," she began, and was startled when he laid one finger on her lips.

"I know. I've been stupid." The finger went away and he bowed slightly, watching her. "Forgive me."

Her lips tingled where his finger had been, and she felt uncomfortable under his gaze. "I…all right."

"But if you ever need my help…" he trailed off, and there was that secretive smile under the silver mask. "Let me know."

"Zechs?"

He was turning away from her, then stopped. "You know," he said wonderingly. "That's the first time you've ever called me by my first name."

"Zechs," she said again, not sure why she did so, but when he turned back she could see he was smiling.

"What?"

"I-" she took a breath. "Thank you. For today, I mean."

He bowed again. "My pleasure."

"Though I could have done it on my own!" she yelled at his retreating back, uncomfortable with the something that had just passed between them. What was it? She wasn't sure it had a name. She touched the metal of the Aries again, pressing her palm into the metal, touching her lips with her other hand.

That something…

There was no use worrying about it. She tucked her helmet under her arm and headed for the hangar. She needed to log in her hours before she returned to quarters, and return her flightsuit…and maybe Zechs would be there.

That made her feel a little better. 

Back to Act 3, Part 2.7 | Back to Sainan no Kekka 


	4. Mission 4

_Gundam Wing is property of Sotsu Agency, Bandai Studios, and TV Asahi. Sainan no Kekka and all original characters and plot copyright 2000 by Quicksilver and Gerald Tarrant. Please ask permission before reposting._

  
**SHIN KIDOU SENKI GUNDAM WING **

SAINAN NO KEKKA 

MEMORANDUM FOR RECORD  
LAKE VICTORIA MILITARY ACADEMY  
SUBJECT: Wing Commander Private Log, AC 188-189 Semester, Cadet Colonel Lucrezia Noin  
PAGE 4 

"What do you think?" 

The blond head on the other side of the room didn't move, staring out the window at something down below. Noin cleared her throat. 

"Hey Zechs, what do you think?" 

"Of what?" he said, his glance out the window never wavering. She heaved an exasperated sigh. 

"Zechs, you're not listening to me!" 

"Of course I am," he said, still not looking at her, but she could see an amused grin on his face. "Keep going. You're going to tell me about the ops plan, aren't you? That's the old copy. I changed them yesterday. The new ones are in your box already." 

She glared at his back for a few moments, then leaned over and tossed the papers in her hand into the trash. He was still smiling, but now his attention was fixed on something on the horizon. Probably mobile suit practice. She watched his profile for a moment, the smile under the silver mask, the long platinum hair. 

It took her a moment more to realize that he was smiling. Zechs Merquise, the silent, emotionless boy, was smiling. 

He had not been silent and emotionless to her for quite some time, but still, it was strange to see that smile on his face. It made him look almost human. If he would take the mask off… 

"Stop staring at me, Noin," he said. 

She jerked her eyes away, realizing she was blushing. Cursing herself silently, she began shoving papers back into her desk. She was blushing like a thirteen-year-old girl. Granted, she a thirteen-year-old girl, but she liked to think that she acted older than her age. It was stupid. Out of all people, Zechs Merquise… 

She supposed one could call it a teenage crush. To her ears, the words "crush" and "Lucrezia Noin" did not go together at all. 

"I'm leaving," she said shortly, standing up and slinging her bag over her shoulder. "I have to study for my engineering test." 

"So soon?" 

He sounded so perfectly serious that for a moment she was caught off guard, floundering, helpless and trapped beneath the blue gaze which suddenly swung around from the window to face her. She swallowed. 

"Well, unless you want me to fail my test." 

"Why don't we go for a walk?" he said. 

She blinked. A walk? Zechs Merquise, asking her on a walk? Zechs Merquise did not go on walks. Zechs…did he simply want to go for a walk, or was he asking her to…? 

"Noin? Hello? A walk? You know, those things where you put one foot in front of the other?" 

"I KNOW what a walk is," she snapped, embarrassed at being caught off guard. Only Zechs could do something like that to her. Only Zechs… 

To her mortified increased embarrassment, she realized she was blushing again. 

Zechs didn't let her get a second word in. With one hand, he slid the pack off her shoulders and deposited it on the desk, then grabbed her arm. "OK. No more waiting. We're going for a walk." 

"Zechs Merquise!" 

It took her another moment to realize that he was laughing. "What is WITH you today?" 

"It's a beautiful day," he called over his shoulder, pulling her after him down the stairs and out the back door. "Perfect for a walk. And don't worry…no one will see us." 

She caught the teasing tone in that remark. Her head was spinning. This was so unlike Zechs…unlike the Zechs she knew. Or that she had thought she had known. 

There was a wooded trail walk a short distance from the cadet administration building where cadets could study or ride bicycles in the afternoon to escape the heat of the hot African sun. What it was more commonly used for, however, was a pretense for…other activities as infamous as the trail's nickname, "Lover's Alley." Said wooded trail was approaching in the distance, and she pulled back on Zechs' arm. 

"Zechs, we are NOT going in there." 

"Why not? It's nice and cool there. Good for a walk." 

"Zechs, you know what goes on there! I won't be a part of it!" 

He stopped then, staring thoughtfully at the sky for a minute and then looking back at her. "Are you saying that my intentions aren't honorable?" 

"You're an idiot," she said flatly. "I don't know what your so-called intentions are, but I'm the wing commander, and I am not going to be made a fool of." 

Zechs dropped her hand abruptly, and for a brief, horrid second, she thought she had insulted him. That he was going to turn and walk away and leave her there. _No!_ her mind screamed. _No, that's not what I meant, Zechs, don't leave…don't leave…me…_

"Why are you so hard to get to know?" he said. 

The question was entirely unexpected, and her mind went blank for a moment. "Wh-what?" 

"You." He wheeled on her, the mask glinting in the sunlight. "Noin, I'm trying. I want to be your friend. We work well together, but we fight all the time. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong." 

She closed her eyes. "You're not doing anything wrong," she said softly. "It's me. I'm sorry." 

"What do you mean?" 

"I…" Her eyes were still closed but she could feel him leaning down over her, the question permeating the self-confident, yet secretive aura that she had grown used to feeling around him. His presence made her giddy, like she was drunk on some delicious wine. "You…" 

"I what?" 

"You make me…" That was not the right thing to say. Her eyes flew open, and she was startled to see the mask close to her face. She could see the blue of his eyes very clearly, very bright in the sunlight. "Zechs, please…someone might see us." 

"So what?" He heaved an exasperated sigh. "That's the problem, Noin…why are you so concerned with what others think of you?" 

"Look," she snapped, the words stinging her, "maybe I'm not like you, Zechs. All right? Leave it at that!" 

She turned to walk away, but he grabbed her hand. "Noin. I'm sorry. Can't we…can't we just take a walk? Nothing special. Just a walk. OK? It's too hot and too early to be studying engineering. And I want to get to know you. I've tried…but I guess it just doesn't work when we're trapped inside the admin building all day." 

She bit her lip. "Zechs." 

"Just an hour. One hour." 

His voice was so earnest and sincere that she could feel her resolve wavering. _No. I'm still mad at him. I don't need to talk to him right now. No. I-_

"Come on, Noin. Please?" 

She sighed. "All…all right." Waiting for the impending feeling that she had done something wrong by agreeing, but surprisingly, all she felt was a wash of happiness over her. "Just for an hour." 

He didn't touch her this time, but she followed him towards the trees. The shade was a welcome relief from the hot sun, and she paused beside one of the tree trunks, closing her eyes and savoring the coolness. 

"So where are you from, Noin?" 

Her eyes snapped open and she blinked in surprise. Zechs had caught her off guard yet again, for what seemed like the hundredth time today. The question was a friendly one, one that people who had just been introduced would ask each other. General information, that everyone should know. 

And for the first time she realized that neither of them knew anything about the other. She had known him for four years but had only recently begun to see the man emerging from the boy under the mask. Zechs was not known around the Academy for being social. Charismatic, and incredibly talented, but she had realized a short time ago that he really didn't have any friends. Not that she had many friends, but there were people she enjoyed being around. Zechs was one of them. 

Yet she didn't know the first thing about him. Where he was from, his family, his dreams for the future when he graduated from the Academy. And he…he did not know her. Somehow, somewhere, they had rushed into friendship without building the foundation. 

Maybe that was what was missing. 

She smiled at him and was rewarded by his puzzled stare. 

"Italy," she said. 

"Why the smile?" 

"Mm…nothing." Noin started walking again, heard his boots on the dirt behind her as he caught up. "I just realized something." 

"What?" 

"Nothing important." 

"Noin-" 

"It's nothing," she said again. "I'm from Italy. My father's the mayor of Venice. Well, was the mayor, anyway. He died a year before I came here." 

She heard his intake of breath. "I'm sorry." 

She shrugged. "It's not a big deal. I hardly knew him. He gave me money…that's all. Enough money to enter the Academy, which I'm thankful for. My brother came here too…he's seven years older than I am. He was the soccer team champion while he was here." 

"Yes, I saw a Giovanni Noin on the plaque in the gym. I was wondering if there was any relation." 

"You were?" 

"You sound surprised," he said. "Don't I have the right to wonder things like that?" 

She shook her head. "No, it's not that, it's…never mind." 

Zechs didn't ask, simply kept pace by her side as she meandered slowly through the brush, questions whirling through her mind. Zechs was actually thinking about her? She had no idea…not the quiet, aloof boy who seemed, most of the time, to not care if any of his classmates lived or died. He seemed almost…haunted. That was the word. Haunted. 

"Where are you from, Zechs?" 

He had been smiling, but she saw the familiar coldness come over his features. His face changed, and in that split second, he looked foreign to her. A stranger, someone she did not know. 

"I'm sorry," she said hastily. "I don't mean to-" 

He looked weary. "It's nothing. You have every right to ask that." 

"I promise not to tell," she offered, then felt very childish. "I mean," she corrected herself, "you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. It's just that…I mean, you asked me, and-" 

Zechs smiled again, but it was not a happy smile. "It's all right. I'm from France." 

Something about that did not sound right, but she didn't ask, simply nodding and trying to push back the question that had popped to the forefront of her mind as he had spoken. She stared straight ahead. It wasn't a polite question to ask, she told herself. It was rude. She was not a rude person. At least, she tried not to be. 

"Go ahead," he said from beside her. "Ask." 

She frowned at him. "Ask what?" 

"I know what you want to ask. About my mask. Why I wear my mask." 

Her jaw dropped. "How - how did you know that?" 

Zechs shrugged. "It's something everyone wants to ask. I can see it in their faces when they meet me. But I guess they're afraid." 

"So…" her voice sounded tinny in her own ears. "Why do you wear the mask?" 

He was silent for a long time, the only sound their footsteps through the grass and dirt, and then he took a deep breath. 

"I-" 

The clock in the Academy clock tower chimed three. 

"Oh shit," he said. 

The very fact of Zechs Merquise cursing would have taken her aback any other day, but on a day like today, it was perfectly ordinary. She realized what he was worried about; every day at three o' clock there was a cadet officers' meeting for selected groups, and the operations group had slated him to give a briefing today. 

"You're going to be late," she said, placing a hand on his shoulder and giving him a little shove. "You'd better go." 

"Yes," he said, but he didn't move. It took her a moment to realize that he was staring at her again. 

"What?" Her voice was wobbly. 

If she had known what he would do in that next second, she would have shied away, but he was too quick for her to catch as he grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss, a brush of the lips across the back of it, but a kiss nonetheless. Before she could recover her stunned wits, he was off, running through the grass and between the trees, disappearing behind the greenery. 

Noin clutched her hand, staring after him though he was out of sight, then turned dazedly and began walking slowly, hardly watching where she was going, just walking. One foot in front of the other. The trail curved up, with the trees thinning and disappearing, and she found herself on top of a small hill overlooking the academy. She could see the belltower in the distance. 

The old, tall tree at the crown of the hill was one she used to nap under in the afternoons when she had been an underclassman. Sometimes she and a small group of girls would bring their homework up in the evenings to watch the sunset. She knew other people used the hill and the tree too; couples looking for a romantic moment amidst the hectic military schedule, other students searching for a quiet place to study, photographers wanting to capture the Academy from a scenic angle. But that hadn't kept Noin from naming this her hill. 

She hadn't been up here in a while, caught up in the whirl of wing commander's duty. She had forgotten how beautiful the Academy looked. 

The back of her hand still tingled and she could still feel Zechs' lips on it. And it hadn't been a clumsy kiss, either, not the kiss of an inexperienced thirteen-year-old teenager trying to fill a man's shoes. Zechs was no child. She brought her hand to her lips, briefly. What if he had… 

Snatching her hand away, she hit herself on the side of the head. "I'm no romantic," she said aloud. "I'm the wing commander. What's wrong with me?" 

But shocking though it was, that simple gesture had made her feel…real. Feminine. It had made her feel like a woman. 

She had never felt like this before. 

"I'm thirteen," she said to the empty air. "I'm only thirteen…I'm still a kid." 

But deep down, she knew that was not true. The Academy took children and trained the childhood out of them. There were no children here. She supposed that was sad, to the outside world…but to her, it was a fact of life. She had never been a child, really. She had no idea what childhood was like. 

Did that count as her first kiss? 

"Zechs," she said softly. "Why do you wear the mask?" 

Back to Act 4, Part 2.8 | Back to Sainan no Kekka 


	5. Mission 5

_Gundam Wing is property of Sotsu Agency, Bandai Studios, and TV Asahi. Sainan no Kekka and all original characters and plot copyright 2000 by Quicksilver and Gerald Tarrant. Please ask permission before reposting._

  
**SHIN KIDOU SENKI GUNDAM WING**

SAINAN NO KEKKA

MEMORANDUM FOR RECORD  
LAKE VICTORIA MILITARY ACADEMY  
SUBJECT: Wing Commander Private Log, AC 188-189 Semester, Cadet Colonel Lucrezia Noin  
PAGE 5 

Going to bed that night was one of the hardest things Noin had ever had to do.

It wasn't that she was not tired. She had pulled an all-nighter the night before, cramming for a quantum physics test that she still wasn't sure had been worth the lack of sleep. She had been cranky at the dining hall for the noon meal and had skipped the mobile suit sortie that afternoon altogether, stumbling back to her dorm to catch a few hours of sleep before wing stand up and her counseling with the Academy commander to make sure her papers were in order for graduation.

Graduation. It had seemed so far away then. She wondered where all the years had gone.

Maybe it was the nap that afternoon, but as the moon came out and the hot African air cooled, she found herself tossing and turning on the bed between the suddenly scratchy sheets. Her back itched and she wanted a drink of water.

Getting up, she threw on a sweatshirt over the oversized t-shirt and shorts she usually wore to bed, silently exiting her small room and padding down the hall, out the door of the dormitory. The chow hall was across the street and they usually had a little cafeteria section open for students who needed a snack during an all-night study break.

"You're up late."

She jumped, whirled around as a silver mask emerged from the dim sidewalk behind her, and she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Zechs! You scared me."

"Couldn't sleep?" he said easily as he came up beside her, holding the door open for her as they both entered the cafeteria. She laughed.

"I took a nap this afternoon. I guess I shouldn't have."

One of his hands brushed hers and she shivered slightly, pulling it away and trying to ignore the side look he gave her before he motioned her ahead of him in line. There were a few cadets sitting at the tables along the far end of the cafeteria, sipping coffee out of paper cups, books open. Some of them had fallen asleep, slumped forward onto the tables.

"That's all right," he said. "I couldn't sleep either."

Something in his voice made her turn and look at him, but the part of his face visible under the mask was inscrutable as ever. She moved forward, ordered a cup of coffee in a low voice, waiting for Zechs to make his choice. Instead, he simply moved along with her in the line as she picked up the steaming cup and handed her student ID to the woman behind the counter.

"You're not going to order?"

"I don't want anything, thanks."

His voice was odd again, but she didn't look at him again until they had exited the cafeteria. The night air was cooling fast and she found herself wishing she had brought a jacket or a sweater.

"Are you cold?"

"I'm all right," Noin said, sipping her coffee. The wind was chill against her skin and then something warm settled over her shoulders. She looked over startled, at Zechs who was now only wearing a loose sweatshirt, his coat draped over her.

"You'll be cold!"

"I'm fine. You'll get sick."

"Thanks," she murmured, slipping her arms into the sleeves. The garment was a little too large for her, but she tucked her hands into the sleeves, holding the cup of coffee on the outside, warming her hands. "Do you want some coffee?"

He shook his head.

"What are you doing up?" she asked again.

"Walk with me," he said. "I'll…tell you on the way."

He held the door open for her again as they exited, she clutching the cup of coffee through the large sleeves of his coat, he walking beside her, his breath steaming in the cool air.

"Zechs?"

"It's bright tonight," he said. "I've never seen it so bright."

"What are you talking about?" A shiver passed down her spine, and it was not from the cold. He was acting strange…he wasn't acting like the Zechs she knew. This Zechs frightened her. "Zechs, what are you talking about?"

"The moon." He pointed, and she looked up, at the huge silver glittering face hanging in the sky by the thread of stars. "My father once told me…people who wish on the moon are fools, but at least they have something to believe in."

She stopped walking, suddenly, looking around her, realizing that they were standing on the hill that led to the big tree. Her tree.

"That's the first time…you've ever mentioned your family."

He laughed, a rueful laugh. "I don't like to talk about them often, I suppose."

"That's all right," she said. "I know it can be hard."

"Yeah," he said. "I miss them."

Something in his voice cracked and broke, and suddenly he was just a thirteen year old boy away from home, missing the ones he loved. She set the coffee cup on the ground carefully, and touched his shoulder. He shuddered.

"Zechs, are you all right?"

The silver mask slid away from her vision, and he started walking again. She stared after him for a minute before grabbing the coffee from the ground, swallowing the rest of it, running up the hill after him. "Zechs! Wait, Zechs!"

She was breathing hard when she reached the top of the hill. He was already standing under the big branches of the tree, looking over the Academy. The lights in the clock tower still shone steadily and the floodlights on the flightline were beacons of white lightning across the dark landscape. The lake beyond glittered in the moonlight.

"You're not mad at me," she said hesitantly. "Are you?"

He shook his head. The silver mask looked like a bird's head. A bird of prey, with a hooked beak. "I could never be mad at you, Noin. You should know that."

She hugged his coat closer around herself, stepped in a little nearer to him, basking in his body heat. "Sometimes I feel too young to be doing this," she said. "And then sometimes I feel very old."

"So do I."

He seemed to hesitate on the last word and she looked up at him, up at the blue eyes she could see through the silver mask. "You've been wanting to tell me something," she said softly. "What is it?"

He turned fully to face her, and for a moment her heart pounded as he stood frozen, as if in the middle of some momentous decision which he could not bear to make. And then his hands, his arms moved slowly, up to his face, above his head, and she whispered, "no, Zechs, no," as he placed his fingers spread across the metal of the mask and pushed it up, above his nose, his eyes, his forehead, across the last wisp of golden hair.

There was no monster behind the mask, after all. Zechs Merquise was just a boy.

Noin reached out hesitantly, with one hand, touched his face, traced the cheekbones and the plane of the nose and the shape of his eyes as his eyelids closed and he just stood there, feeling the touch of her. His face where the mask had been was paler than the skin around his lips and his chin, which had seen the sun. Her hand moved to his hair, and as she felt the strands between her fingers, his lips moved.

"Noin."

Her hand dropped to her side and she squeezed her eyes shut, expecting to open them again to the mask, the realization that she had been daydreaming. But his face was still there, a human face, eyes looking at her with almost a kind of guilt.

"In seven years," he said quietly, "you are the second person to ever see my face."

"Who's the first?"

She knew the answer before his lips shaped them, and she breathed the name along with him.

"Treize Khushrenada."

"He took me in," Zechs said, turning away from her. "When I had nowhere to go."

"Zechs?"

She closed her eyes as his hand reached for her, cupped her chin gently in his hand and traced the shape of her lips with his fingertips. "Zechs," she said, her words a whisper on the cold night breeze. "Who are you?"

His voice was low but steady when he answered her, his breath warm on her hair. "I was born in the Cinq Kingdom. My name is Milliard Peacecraft."

It was as if she had always known, because her heart kept beating and she merely nodded, as if somehow, it was right. "You're royalty."

"Royalty without a kingdom." His lip twisted. "A prince without a crown."

"I heard about…what happened," she said. "My uncle was one of the delegates to the peace talks. I think. He never really talked about it."

Zechs shrugged. "I don't think anyone did. Treize…Treize was there for me, when I was left after that. He took me in. He gave me my life back, and a cause."

"To take back your kingdom?"

"To avenge my people. To avenge my family." The words were rough with the raw edges of pain. "To take back what I lost."

"That's a high calling," she said softly. Putting a hand on his shoulder.

He stared at her. He was beautiful in the moonlight. "You agree with me?"

"With what?"

"Vengeance. You don't think it's wrong? You don't think it's wrong…to repay blood for blood?"

She smiled at him. "I'm not one to judge you. Not everyone has lost a kingdom…certainly not me. You do what you need to do, Zechs, and I'll be there for you. You know that. Or should I call you Milliard now?"

She had meant that partially as a joke, but he reached out suddenly and took her hand. Her breath caught.

"Call me what you want," he whispered. "As long as you say my name, I'll be all right."

_I think I'm falling in love with you_, she wanted to say, but didn't, because she knew that he knew already, and it was better left unsaid. Instead, she squeezed his hand, moving close to him as he put one arm awkwardly around her shoulders and they stood there under the tree, watching the moon together. 

Back to Act 4, Part 2.8 | Back to Sainan no Kekka 


	6. Final Mission

_Gundam Wing is property of Sotsu Agency, Bandai Studios, and TV Asahi. Sainan no Kekka and all original characters and plot copyright 2000 by Quicksilver and Gerald Tarrant. Please ask permission before reposting._

  
**SHIN KIDOU SENKI GUNDAM WING**

SAINAN NO KEKKA

MEMORANDUM FOR RECORD  
LAKE VICTORIA MILITARY ACADEMY  
SUBJECT: Wing Commander Private Log, AC 188-189 Semester, Cadet Colonel Lucrezia Noin  
PAGE 6 

She never thought the day would come, but that morning as Noin laid out her formal military dress, ironing out the creases in her dress shirt and straightening the skirt, the weight of the afternoon's events hit her.

Graduation.

Hanging up the finished uniform in her closet, she sat down on the bed, pulling on her socks and boots, looking out the window at the sunny landscape of the campus. She'd stay here for another month or so before they sent her off on her first assignment, but even now the school that had been her home for four years was looking foreign, the territory of aliens. Not her. She was no longer part of what happened here.

Sighing, she flopped down on the bed, staring at the speckled ceiling. Wishing Zechs would call. She hadn't really seen him since their night meeting a month ago, both of them busy with final examinations and last minute change of command plans, graduation supervising and just general busy work. The times she did see him were in staff meetings, formal things in which he was her executive officer and she was the wing commander, with no time to just be friends. Or whatever they were to each other now. She wasn't sure.

She missed him.

The comm screen beeped.

She heaved another sigh, scooted out of the nest of warm covers and scrambled across the room to the desk where the comm was located.

MERQUISE, ZECHS, the identification tag read. For some reason, her heart leaped as she keyed in the entry code to answer.

"Noin?" The screen blinked on, a little fuzzily. He was dressed in plain civilian clothes, a t-shirt with the Academy logo on it and athletic shorts. The mask was back on.

"Hi Zechs," she said, suddenly feeling self-conscious about her mussed hair and sleep-ringed eyes. "Did you need something?"

"Not really," he said. For a second he looked impish, if that was what it could be called under the mask, then he leaned forward. "Do you want to go for a flyby?"

She blinked. Looked at the clock. "It's eight in the morning, Zechs. Are you nuts?"

"Maybe. Come on. The techs will let us in. We'll return the mobile suits when we're done with them."

She sighed, but couldn't help smiling. "You're such a rebel, Zechs. We're not supposed to be taking the mobile suits out before 1000 hours."

"But you're the wing commander."

"Doesn't mean I can bend the rules!"

"Geez, Noin, that's not a concrete rule. And besides, you can do it for me, can't you?" His voice took on a pleading note.

Seeing any Zechs besides the serious, focused one she was so used to from the endless round of cadet activities always took her by surprise, and he knew it. "Come on," he urged. "You know you want to. It will be fun."

"I don't know…"she hedged.

"I'll meet you out on the flightline in half an hour," Zechs said in a deciding tone, smiling at her. "See you soon."

Before she had a chance to say anything else, he closed the connection.

"Idiot," she said to the blank screen.

Half an hour later saw her outside one of the mobile suit hangars, tapping her foot impatiently waiting for him to show up. It was another ten minutes before he finally rounded the corner, zipping up the top layer of his flight suit.

"You're late," she said accusingly. "I was going to leave."

He simply smiled at her. "Shall we go?"

She buckled herself into the seat of one of the Aries', watching him as his hatch closed and the mobile suit roared to life. She adjusted the frequency on the monitor to his, doing her pre-flight checklist. Wondering what was up with him today. He was bound to be spontaneous at times, but never this spontaneous.

"Alpha ten to control, request take-off clearance," he said over the comm.

"Clearance granted."

"Alpha eight to control," she reiterated, "request take-off clearance."

"Clearance granted," the comm crackled again, and she roared across the lot after Zechs' suit, crossing the flight paths, heading out into the grassy fields where the upper-class students practiced Tactics and Evasion.

"Zechs, where are we going?"

"Nowhere," he said, his face appearing on her comm. He was still smiling. "I just thought…it's our last day as students. We should do something unprecedented."

She tried scowling at him, but his smile was so infectious it made her laugh. "I don't think I've ever seen you smile this much," she said.

"Let's land here," he said suddenly, and with a shock she realized they were over her hill, above the tall tree. He fired his landing thrusters and she followed him, setting the suit down into the grass.

The wind was high but the sun was bright, and it was still early enough in the morning that graduation preparations were only beginning. They stood together at the top of the hill, watching as the colored banners were erected over the parade ground. The wind blew the sounds of drumming towards them.

"The band's practicing," Noin said. "We're going to have a real live band. We've only had recorded music before."

"I like the recorded music better," Zechs said.

She punched him lightly in the arm, and suddenly he reached up, took off his mask. His golden hair fluttered in the breeze. She caught a few strands between her fingers, brushed them against her cheek. He closed his eyes.

"I'm going to miss you, Noin."

"You already got your assignment?"

"Treize wants me back at headquarters with him…he'll give me my assignment later, he said. I'll be leaving in a few days to head back."

"Oh." She didn't know what else to say. "Good luck, I guess."

"I don't want to leave."

"I wish I had connections like you."

He snorted. "Like the unclaimed prince of a kingdom that doesn't exist anymore? Be glad you don't, Noin. It's not worth it, in the long run."

"You never know," she said softly, releasing his hair from her fingers. "But…I'll miss you too."

For a moment he looked at her, and then he smiled again. "I'm glad I met you."

"You're talking like we're never going to see each other again!"

Zechs shrugged. "Who knows? I don't plan to be stationed anywhere normal in the near future. Perhaps in a few months…"

"Zechs, don't talk that way. You-"

"Here," he interrupted her, digging in his pocket and pulling out a package. Thrusting it at her with an awkward gesture so unlike himself. "I want you to have this."

She took it, unwrapping the plain brown string and white paper that held it, pulled out a framed picture. His mask was on, but it was very Zechs, him staring proudly and fiercely out from the confining frame.

"Zechs…" she managed, before he placed his hand on her shoulder.

"I couldn't think of anything…for a graduation present…so I thought this would be nice."

"It's…I don't know what to say," she said, looking up at him. "I didn't get you anything."

He smiled. "That's ok. Just being here…with you…that's enough."

She didn't say anything in return, watching the clouds move across the sky. The band practice grew louder until she could hear the actual parade music wafting across the grounds towards the hill, sifting between the branches of the tree.

"We should get back," Noin finally said.

"Yeah." He didn't move. "We should."

She tugged at his sleeve and started towards her mobile suit, but he caught her arm.

"Noin?"

"Yes?" she said softly, staring down at the ground, towards the picture in the picture frame.

"Promise me…you won't forget me."

She turned to him, and suddenly it didn't matter anymore as she grabbed his hands. "I could never forget you, Zechs. No matter where we both go…I want to come back here. With you."

He matched her shadow of a smile. "And go flying again?"

She nodded, squeezing his hands. "And go flying. Just like we did today, just the two of us up in the sky. Except in real mobile suits…ours."

"That sounds nice," he said wistfully.

"We will," she said. "Don't forget that."

Zechs' eyes were as blue as the sky as he smiled again, and for the first time she had known him, she saw that spark of life behind the smile, the first hint of true happiness.

"Thank you, Noin." 

Back to Act 6, Part 3.10 | Back to Sainan no Kekka 


End file.
